WE DON'T SERVE FOOD, YOU SILLY! Would you open your mouth to eat food cooked by a place called No Idea? Neither would we. Hence we present our holy book of a thousand menus. Feel free to order anything in at any time.

We pick up the phone. The requisite mousy voice asks "What are your specials?" So we put her on hold and give her this recording: "E-VUH-REE THING HERE IS SPECIAL, TOOTS." We will, however, share this with our website readers: EVERYDAY 16-OZ. mixed drinks for $6; Pint of No Idea Ale for $5. For the special of all specials, see "THE SPECIAL" page.

OUR IPOD'S PLAYING THE KILLERS BUT YOU WANT TO HEAR SHATNER? Your money can make that happen. No Idea sports an internet jukebox; any song you want is there.